GodWinks When I Needed - Day +11 & +12

Julia here again...

This post isn't intended to push my beliefs on anyone but if you just want to fast-forward to his status, feel free to scroll down.  I just wanted to let you know where my head was today. Faith is a very personal thing and has been a big part of this journey for us. I respect choice and have no agenda in my thoughts. 

Tuesday I felt pretty positive going through the day as John had seemed peaceful and the team seemed very upbeat which I'll give a little more detail below. As the evening went on, something in the air seemed more tense. No one said anything but sometimes you sense little things about a loved one. I had a call from a friend of his on the drive home and I even said as much. As the night continued, I have been trying to accomplish just one thing at the house to prepare for the move and make sure I have clean clothes for the next day. I cleaned out some half boxes and ingredients from the pantry that I didn't plan to move or use in the next 2 weeks. I then sunk into bed without even turning on the TV. One gift I have had since he was moved into ICU, there is someone with him at all times and I have full confidence in that care. I have really been trying to stay true to my prayer to not worry and put this in God and the Mayo's healing hands. John and I only have a partial medical education from all of our favorite medical shows and this situation is well above my doctor's paygrade. 

If you don't know, a GodWink is a term created by Squire Rushnell, author and television executive, in his best-seller When Got Winks He defines it as "An event or personal experience, often identified as coincidence, so astonishing that it could only have come from divine origin." 

My First GodWink of the Day 

After getting a morning update from the bedside nurse it confirmed my fears that things weren't as stable after I left Thursday night, I started spiraling in my own head. That's the worst thing and I tend to go there in the mornings. I was dreading the drive up feeling like it might be a tough day. I just laid in bed in silence for an hour trying to get the courage to start the day. I walked downstairs and noticed the beautiful bouquet from Mother's Day had popped an Easter Lily that I hadn't noticed the day before. Easter lilies are said to represent grace and purity. 

Merriam-Webster defines Grace as:

aunmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification

ba virtue coming from God

ca state of sanctification enjoyed through divine assistance

I got the message! Thank you!

GodWink #2 for the Morning

When I got in the car and started to pull out. The radio was on the same channel it has probably been on all week, KLOVE, but I hadn't paid any attention. As I drive back and forth each day, I usually catch up on calls or make mental lists. A talented young woman from our church worship team had recently released her first single. It quickly rose to the top of the Christian charts this month on iTunes and AmazonMusic. I heard Katy's voice and the words really hit me as I was pulling out of the neighborhood. 

In Jesus Name by Katy Nichole

I speak the name of Jesus over you
In your hurting, in your sorrow
I will ask my God to move
I speak the name 'cause it's all that I can do
In desperation, I'll seek Heaven
And pray this for you

I pray for your healing
That circumstances would change
I pray that the fear inside would flee in Jesus name
I pray that a breakthrough would happen today
I pray miracles over your life in Jesus name, in Jesus name

This is a beautiful song. If you want to hear this budding young artist, Katy Nicole, check out her hit. 

If John hadn't chosen "Well Done" by another favorite of ours, The Afters, for his stem cell blessing event the morning of the transplant, this one would have been ideal.

The Update

Day +11

So Day +11 was relatively calm and optimistic. He had Nurse Dena for the 3rd day in a row and she had such an amazing sense of calm. The doctor's rounds were all encouraging and we saw some slight improvements in the white cells and some inflammatory markers which is an indication that he is past the low point of the transplant and his immune system is rebuilding. Also it could be a sign that the plasma apheresis may be helping.

They were reducing the sedation with hopes that he would awaken and have some awareness but said not to worry if it didn't happen immediately.

Dr. Glass-Half-Full mentioned that if John continued to progress, maybe they could get him back to the transplant unit by the weekend but that we were in rather unchartered conditions so not to worry if he wasn't.

They gave him a 2nd plasma replacement treatment - we are so grateful to the 3.5 people who had to donate plasma in order to give him 7 more units today. 

At the end of the visiting hours though the energy in the air just didn't seem the same as I mentioned above.

Day +12

The morning call had prepared me that it wasn't going to be the same day as Tuesday. When I entered the room, it was more obvious. They were continuing to reduce sedation. He looked uncomfortable and even struggling with the vent tubes at times. He needed more frequent suctioning and the activity in the room was more intense. He was responding when I tickled his feel sometimes but no squeezing of hands or wiggling toes yet. 

During rounds the teams seemed more subdued when entering and even Dr. Half-Glass-Full wasn't conveying his normal confidence. The tone was more matter-of-fact. They were talking things like cytokine storm and engraftment syndrome. These are conditions that we have heard with other sorts of treatments or procedures but didn't expect from an auto SCT. They just keep reminding me that his situation is more uncommon and will require "more patience" and "adjustments day to day based on his response." The good thing is his white cells are continuing to multiply. The other good thing is they are able to manage his vitals and his discomfort by hanging a new bag or injecting more sedative into his IV.

He received 7 more units of plasma, a unit of platelets, Albumin, 2 units of Cryo (a new blood product we hadn't encoutered yet and I'm not sure I spelled it correctly) and more new meds to try to calm him and his system down.

The day felt more exhausting but I am grateful for the peaceful way the last hour has been and the GodWinks to remind me that I'm not in charge, I'm just along for the ride.