October 22, 2012 -- Becoming an Old Man

It was bad enough on Sunday when the 80-year-old woman working the check out lane at Basha’s asked Julia and I if we were snow birds, but I officially entered old manhood this afternoon. You see, today I went for my cataract surgery consultation. I have known for a number of years that I would be making this trip, I just never thought that it would be in my 50’s (albeit extremely late in my 50’s.)

My adventure with cancer has taken me many places. I have gotten an enema at 3 in the morning at the local hospital, gotten acupuncture and passed out at work. I have had more side effects caused by my medications that you can count including hair loss (no comments from the peanut gallery), diarrhea, constipation, acne, nausea, vomiting, skin blotches, dry eyes and extreme exhaustion. But now my cataracts have gotten so bad that I can not longer get strong enough contacts to correct the problem.

This all started in the spring when I noticed that my vision had changed rather quickly. I went to the eye doctor and got new contacts and for two weeks all was well. Then I noticed that the new contacts were not strong enough. This pattern continued and over a period of five months I had gotten four new sets of contacts and still could not see.

It had gotten so bad I was going to Hooters for the food and not the scenery. I was no longer willing to drive at night because I just felt that it wasn’t safe. You have to understand that a man never feels that he can no longer drive. A man would rather admit that he can’t handle his duties in the bedroom before he will say he can no longer drive. There is something sacred about a man and controlling a set of car keys. That is why you read about 95 year old men plowing over 20 people in their ‘78 Cadillacs.

It was bad enough that when I went to a baseball game, I just watched how the players reacted to know what was going on because I couldn’t see the baseball. My doctor had gotten to the point where he was throwing up his hands in frustration and basically saying that it wasn’t going to get better until I had the surgery. It was finally time to admit that I wasn’t 20 any longer and I need to get this done.

However, I needed to deal with the whole eye issue that I have. When I got contacts at the age of 16 and I put them in for the first time, I almost passed out. When I was in my late 20’s, I was putting speakers in my car and managed to get a metal shaving imbedded in my eye. When the eye doctor told me what he was going to have to do, I actually did pass out and fell flat on the floor. When I take out my soft contacts I can’t do it like most people. I can’t just grab the contact off my eye; I have to pop it out as if it were a hard contact. My eyes freak me out. This was not going to go down easy.

The thing that convinced me that I could do this was when they told me that I had the option of being put into a twilight state similar to when I got my recent colonoscopy. I remember being told to turn on my side and then things got fuzzy and all of a sudden I am waking up on my back and being told that every thing went well. Trust me, if I could be in a different room while they were doing my eye surgery I would do that. Since that is unlikely, twilight state will have to do.

The consultation was pretty simple as we watched the video that went over the procedure and the relative risks associated with the surgery. Just like every commercial that you see on television concerning prescription drugs, there are a million things that can go wrong during and after the surgery but the likelihood is relatively small. We then met with the consultant that ran us through the options that I had. Either I get a lens inserted that will cause me to wear glasses for both distance and up close or spend the extra money to get something that will hopefully allow me to just have to use reading glasses. They cannot guarantee anything with the more expensive option, but in the end it will probably be better for me.

Finally, they did a couple of tests that will allow them to prescribe the appropriate lens for me. All in all, an easy 90 minutes. The doctor is scheduled for the next month, so my first surgery is scheduled for November 27 with the second a week later. Not looking forward to the procedure but looking forward to better vision so I can appreciate Hooters in the way that it was intended.

Despite all of the issues that have presented themselves over the last 3+ years, I thank God that I have had the opportunity to take all of these drugs and suffer the side effects. As I have often said, it is better to be here to complain than not have the opportunity. I am doing well and live a normal life. Aside from a cure, this will do.

In two weeks, I will be walking in my fourth “Light the Night Walk.” I don’t like asking friends for money, but this is one instance where I do. The Lymphoma and Leukemia Society does a lot of good for a lot of people and I have made it my goal to be part of that. Hopefully one day there will be a cure and we will no longer have to ask people for help, but we haven’t made it there yet. I’m hoping in my lifetime that we can find a cure but it won’t happen without the help of many. If you can help, please visit our team site and donate what you can.

http://pages.lightthenight.org/az/Phoenix12/teamoutlaws

Thank you, John