September 10, 2009 To Have and to Hold

The date was August 23, 1975 and I found myself walking down the aisle of a church in Plymouth, Michigan. It was in the 90’s and extremely humid that day. The church didn’t have air conditioning and the reception hall lost theirs the day before. I should have realized at that point that there might be some difficulties in this marriage.

The date was August 23, 1977 and I found myself alone because my wife decided not to come home that night. No call, no nothing, just no show. It was at that point that I realized that there were more than difficulties in this marriage. I’m not the brightest guy in the world, but when my wife had a date on our anniversary and it wasn’t with me, I surmised that it might be time to start looking elsewhere.

The next decade was interesting to say the least. I had more than a few loves in my life, some only lasting a week or so, one lasting three years. But having become a one time loser, I was bound and determined not to make it two. As a result, I became extremely cautious in my relationships. Not afraid to fall in love, but certainly afraid to commit.

Then one day, I was taking out one of the administrative assistants (Diana) from Human Resources for lunch. This was one of those real stretches for me as the young lady, although certainly attractive enough, would never go for a pauper like me. When I went to her office to pick her up, I notice this cute little thing sitting at her desk. Little did I know at the time that cute little thing would eventually become my wife.

During lunch that day, I asked Diana who the new girl was. After getting all of the scoop, I played like I was in the fifth grade and asked her to see if there might be any mutual interest. To my glee, there was. One thing led to another and before long were we were in love.

On the one year anniversary of our first date, I popped the question. The first words out of Julia’s mouth was “Are you sure?” She could count the bottles of wine just as easily as I could, but I knew what I was doing. She knew my past as well as I did and she knew my hesitation to commit in the past. Yet for some reason, I knew this was the one.

So on September 10, 1988 I found myself walking down the aisle once again. Instead of it being hot and humid, it was a day in paradise. It was 72 degrees and sunny. The wind didn’t blow a bit which made the pictures that were taken outside unbelievable. For those of you in the Columbus area, you know that there are only about two days every year that are that perfect. It just so happened that God saved one of those for us.

The wedding went according to plan; that is Julia’s plan. This was one of those things that I let her drive as she was by far the expert. My biggest concern was the vows. Julia has an excellent memory (as she has proven over the years as she remembers everything I have every said) and she decided that we would memorize the vows. They were not particularly long, but I have never been one to memorize things. I tend to think on my feet and wing it. I must have said that thing to myself 100 times that day because I was bound and determined not to make a fool of myself.

As expected, Julia whizzed through hers like a hot knife through butter. It was then my turn and I started off strong with,”I, John, take you, Julia, as my loving wife.” It was then that things started spinning and I was glad that I had remembered my name, because I sure couldn’t any longer. Whatever was left of my mind had turned to Jello. I stood there for a second and even heard a chuckle from the crowd as I tried to remember what was next.

I finally gave in and looked at the minister for help. He got me started and I just winged it after that. As I like to mention to Julia and have done so several times in the last 21 years, I forgot to mention the thing about being faithful. It wasn’t until we reviewed the tape of the wedding that this fatal mistake was noted. So far I haven’t taken advantage of this missed paragraph in the contract, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to tease Julia about it.

Julia, however, has taken her belief and understanding of the vows to another level. When you actually utter the phrase, “in sickness and in health,” you never really think about the sickness part. Most people are just thinking about where they are going on their honeymoon when they get to this part.

Needless to say, the last eight months have opened up even my eyes to what those vows mean. It’s easy to stay with someone when everything is balloons and butterflies, but it is an altogether different story when you find out that your spouse is ill. That is when you really find out how much someone is really committed to the contract.

Not that I was surprised, but there wasn’t a thing that I lacked when I needed it. Julia was everything to me when I needed her. It was only through her love and devotion that I have been able to get through this. This is when you know you have someone special. Little did I know that the cute little thing behind the desk would become my everything.