A Day Without Tears - 10/30/22

When you are a child, you somehow know at birth that if something isn’t right you cry, If you are hungry, you cry. If they have a full diaper, you cry. It is about the only form of communication that a baby has. As that baby grows older, crying is used for a few reasons: you are physically hurt or you didn’t get what you wanted or you are trying to get your big brother in trouble for doing something to you.

Again, as we age, we stop crying for a number of these things. If I get a paper cut or get a shot at the doctor’s office I am not going to cry. Some of this change comes pressure from our parents or from our peers. No one wants to be called a cry baby.  As an adult it becomes more of a teller of our emotion. When two people end a relationship, at least one of the two cry. When we lose a loved one, we often cry and may do that for a good while.

I remember as a teenager watching “Brian’s Song” and crying like a baby. Brian Piccolo was a running back with the Chicago Bears. It was just sad and really hit me hard. As I have aged, I have found that it takes less and less for the waterworks to start flowing. I have even had commercials hit me hard. I have gotten to the point where it just doesn’t take much.

Of course, being on the brink of death can change one’s view of things.  If I hadn’t received a second stem cell transplant, I would be gone by now. I probably had two months to live when I entered the hospital. If you have read the blog in the past, Julia did an awesome job covering my troubles during my 101 days in the hospital including 8 days in a coma.

All of this makes me appreciate what life I still have. That, of course, doesn’t keep me from thinking about the things I will likely miss in the future. This round of chemo will likely be my last and there’s nothing after that. Don’t feel bad for me but thinking about those things make me cry.

This week was a big one for us in that Julia has really progressed with her nursing skills. We have been doing home dialysis for the last few weeks and today was the first putting the needles in without the trainer around. She did a great job and will only get better. My big news is that I have progressed to being able to use a cane instead of the walker.

We keep on plugging away as we do everything we can to get back to our old life. Keep praying for us, they are all appreciated.