Cherish the Little Things

The last couple days haven't been easy. John has been fighting fevers more and more. When he battles the high fevers, he generally isn't aware of the situation which is good in some ways, but cheats us in others. We lose the snarky remarks and sharp wit you can expect from him. We lose the guy who obsesses over his plan and schedule. We lose the guy who is consumed with his favorite sports teams and constantly scouring the internet for information on the latest UD recruit or discouraged that his Reds are clearly the worst team in baseball. As he comes off a high fever he may have a few minutes to a few hours to be aware, communicate, get up and walk before the next fever starts to consume his entire being.

The fortunate thing is he generally isn't in pain. 

They have been treating him with a variety of harsh broad-spectrum antibiotics because they haven't been able to pinpoint the source of the infection that is consuming him. Today as I was just running home to shower and grab a bite to eat the Mayo Clinic popped up on my CallerID. They had taken him to an extra dialysis treatment to remove fluid from his heart and lungs. It was a pulmonologist that hasn't been part of his care team. She explained that the chest CT from right before I left showed considerable inflammation and debris in his lungs that hadn't been there the two days before. This explained the increase in oxygen needs through the night and the shallow rapid breaths he had started having this morning. It also explained why he never had a single break from shivering and fevering from 5:30 p.m. until I left to come home at 10:00 a.m.

They felt they needed an answer within the hour to perform this procedure and get moving before the inflammation had done irreparable damage. I called the boys and rushed back to agree on his behalf. John has been the valiant fighter throughout this 13 year journey. I knew he wouldn't want to stop now if we had a chance to find the origin of the fevers and a possibility of a treatment. He just wasn't aware to make the decision.

The procedure went well considering all of the risks they warned me about. He actually came out of it with better coloring, less difficulty breathing and the gift of a few clear hours after the anesthesia wore off. He was even awake enough to order some dinner that I knew he likely wouldn't eat until I pulled out the pint of Graeter's black raspberry chip and he ate 4-5 bites. His nurse walked in and saw me scooping it out and asked what we were celebrating - was it our anniversary? I told him we were just celebrating the moment. 

What I am learning is to be grateful for every one of those brief moments. 

Julia