February 9, 2011 My How Time Flies

It was just a couple of weeks ago that I discussed the importance of anniversaries to me. Today probably is the one that means the most to me. It was twenty years ago I took a job without one bit of experience. The fact that the pay rate wasn’t the greatest didn’t really mean much to me. It was something that I wanted to try for years and finally got the opportunity.

Despite my lack of experience, I jumped in with both feet. The work was very hard at times, but it did have its rewards. There were many times that the job took me well past eight hours and early on, I spent a great deal of nights working on probably the biggest project of my life, often going into work the next morning looking like I had been run over with a truck.

I made mistakes along the way, but luckily I wasn’t replaced. Some of the mistakes were probably just looked over because of my lack of experience and others because there just wasn’t any standard operating procedures. Certainly there have been SOPs written in the past for similar jobs, but I’m a stubborn guy and I tend to like to write my own. I’m not afraid to take advice, but in my mind, unless you are doing the job itself, you cannot possibly understand all of the potential consequences.

Despite the poor pay grade, this job has enriched my life more than any other. Just because you cannot look at a huge stock portfolio doesn’t mean that you haven’t been paid well. This has been the job of a lifetime and is worth more than anything money can buy.

You see, today is the 20th anniversary of the birth of my first son, Justin. It was 20 years ago that I became a dad. I may have lacked the proper background on my resume’, but I made up for it with hustle.

Growing up as an only child, I really missed not having a sibling. I really wanted someone that was like me. Many of you are probably happy that they threw away the mold after I was born, but that didn’t keep me from wondering what it would be like to be a big brother. As I got older, I decided that I would change my goal to something more attainable, that of being a dad.

Julia and I reminisced this morning about the morning that Justin was born. It was a cold night and both of us had fallen asleep on the couch. When Julia woke up, she knew that something different was going on. Little did we know just how different our lives were going to be starting in about six hours.

Justin was the joy of my life despite his many flaws. He cried all of the time, including the middle of the night, and spit up on anything that wasn’t moving. To get him to fall asleep at night, I would have to lay on the floor next to him until he would nod off. He started walking way too soon and bashed into everything. If anyone would have seen him on a regular basis, we would have been sent to jail for child abuse. He had more Power Ranger band aids on his face than a UFC fighter.

In reality, those were the easy years. It’s when they get older that you begin to question your decisions and wonder what to do next. Knowing that he should wear a coat out when it is cold is easy. Knowing that he should not be eating sugar is easy. Is a time-out good enough to get the child to understand who is in charge is not easy. Is spanking a capital offense? I’m not sure.

That is just getting you started. Soon they will be in high school and the number of issues that you have to deal with literally explode. Instead of wondering what small present you will get little Suzie for the birthday party at Chuck E . Cheese’s on Saturday, you have to worry if little Suzie is sexting with your son on Saturday. Instead of worrying about your son eating too much candy while at the party, you have to worry if there will be beer at the party.

We used to be able to dress the boys up in whatever we wanted. When they were little, we would dress them in similar, complementary clothes. Now you just hope they don’t kill each other because they happen to have similar clothing on going to the same event.

We used to worry that they would jump off of the swing when it was too high in the air. Then we began to lose sleep on a regular basis because we knew they were out driving at night shortly after they had gotten their license. Now we have to worry about what they are taking in school and if they will be able to get a job when they graduate.

Once you accept the job as parent, it is a job you should never give up. There are too many among us that just walk away from being a parent. Even when it isn’t easy, you need to hang in there. They may not like your advise, but you still need to offer it. Even if they think you are an idiot (I have officially entered that part of my life. Should get out of it when they reach 25.), you need to stay involved. They may not admit that they like it. If fact, they may think that they hate it, but in the end they want it. It is all part of the job of being a teenager.

Having children has brought me more joy than I can ever count. It has left me next to broke, but that is part of the deal. You give them something and they give you something. My boys are never going to win any scholarships, but they are smart kids. They never clean their rooms and you don’t even want to see their bathroom. But I have learned not to worry about them because they are mature kids that have a mind of their own, not that of their friends. They know the difference between right and wrong. They not only know it, they live it. When I recount what they are, I can only smile.

I’m not sure Julia and I deserve a raise when we get our performance appraisal as parents, but I think we will get a passing grade. Did we make mistakes? You bet. But I have to say that somehow the boys ended up as two young men we can be proud of. It has been an experience unlike any other. It is one that I wouldn’t trade for anything. It is a job that I plan on keeping for a while (If they like it or not.)