Today is a day that I will remember for the rest of my life. Certainly not one that will be celebrated, but one that will be remembered.
For most of my adult life, I often wondered what it would be like the day that the doctor told me I had cancer. I realize that this sounds fatalistic, but with my heritage with each parent having more than one brand of cancer and the fact that my cholesterol was always extremely low, no matter what I ate, it was likely that cancer would find its way to me at some point in time. Not morose, just realistic.
Well, it seems that day has arrived. When I got to Dr. Obenchain’s office, my blood pressure was through the roof. I kept telling them that this was not the real me, but both times I was in it was 150ish over 90ish. After pacing in the tiny room for what seemed like forever, the doctor entered.
She really didn’t beat around the bush. She came right out and said that the biopsy confirmed that I did, indeed, have multiple myeloma. Not what I wanted to hear, but not really a surprise. I guess I surprised myself a bit and took the news no different than if someone had told me that it would rain later that day.
I wasn’t really sure what I would do. Would I cry, would I faint, would I just sit there numb? Oddly, none of those things. I just started asking questions. I needed to know the next steps. How soon could we start? I told her that we would get a second opinion from the Mayo Clinic, but I didn’t want to wait. I was ready to get started. It had already been two weeks and I felt like I hadn’t done anything to get this fixed. I was starting to go nuts just sitting around.
The next step was to be chemotherapy. I was going to be taking two kinds. Velcade is a designer drug made specifically to attack multiple myeloma. It is designed to just go after the affected cells and not do a great deal of damage to the surrounding cells. It had the normal side effects, but was generally easily tolerated. Doxil is a more common drug that is used in several different cancers but was not always prescribed for multiple myeloma. There have been some success stories with this drug and multiple myeloma, but it isn’t always prescribed because the side effects are worse and most people with this disease are older and not in as good of general health. I would take the Velcade twice for the first two weeks and then take a week off. The Doxil would be taken at the end of the first week and then not again for three weeks. I would start all of this on Tuesday. Can’t wait to throw up and watch my hair fall out.
The easy part of the day was over. It’s one thing to find out that you have cancer. It’s another thing to actually have to tell someone else. When you have children, sickness becomes far more complicated. I know Julia will be there for me and I guess its part of the “in sickness and in health” vow that I made her take (lucky I got that in the contract!). I knew what to expect with her. I knew she would be strong and help me get through this. It’s another thing when you have children involved.
It doesn’t matter how old your kids are, you never feel like your job as a parent is done. When you find out you have cancer, you wonder how much time you have left to finish the job. As good as my kids are, I still have some work to do (that’s putting it mildly if you look at some of their grades.) I think this is one of the reasons that I can remain so positive about this disease. I know I have to. I know my job isn’t done. Jason still has trouble hitting a curveball which is even more important than the grade thing. I can’t throw one, but I can still TELL him to hit one.
To actually tell the boys what we found out was tough. Justin had a million questions and Jason just took it all in. They seem unshaken, but you never know what is going on inside that tough exterior. We all have to stay positive, I think they will do their part.
No comments:
Post a Comment